Understanding Emotions in kids with ADHD
I often have parents ask why their ADHD child lacks empathy or laughs at inappropriate times.
What I tell them is simple, your child does not understand emotions in the same way that you do. Not that they are incapable or that it’s intentional it’s just through their experiences they have learned a different language of emotions.
Kids with ADHD are more than twice as likely to receive negative feedback than neurotypical children. These negative experiences often start long before any diagnosis is provided and at a time when young children are defining themselves and their place in the world. Stunting their development of self-esteem and leading them to be more prone to negative thoughts.
When school starts these children become easy targets for bullies who laugh at the cruelty and make jokes of being mean through taunting and teasing. These bullies are often the only example of ‘friendship’ ADHD kids have because of their impulsiveness or differences. Given this kind of a start, it becomes easier to understand how children with ADHD can end up with a different interpretation of emotions.
So how can parents help?
A big part is to acknowledge there is a disconnect, a misunderstanding, or misinterpretation. And then, like you would with someone learning a new language be explicit in both expressing your emotion and what caused it but also in understanding your child’s emotion and what it means to them. When correcting a child focus on the behavior, be clear in explaining you love the child but the behavior is not ok. Create your own love language, passing secret notes with hearts, puns or funny jokes, sneaky hugs. When you create your own language for one emotion it becomes easier to do the same for other emotions.
Little by little you and your child will learn together.