Welcome to Untangle: Why This Exists
I was sitting in my car in the school parking lot. My seven-year-old son was in the backseat. He’d just told me he thought the world would be better without him in it.
I didn’t move. Couldn’t move. This wasn’t a tantrum or manipulation. This was my child, genuinely believing the world didn’t want him.
He was seven years old.
Everything I thought I knew about parenting, about child development from my psychology degree, about what kids need—none of it had prepared me for this moment. None of the parenting books I’d read covered “what to do when your child expresses suicidal ideation in the carpool line.”
That was the moment I realized: I was completely out of my depth. And I couldn’t be the only parent feeling this way.
That’s why Untangle exists.
What I Was Looking For (And Couldn’t Find)
After that moment in the car, I started looking for help. Really looking. What I found:
Information that didn’t fit New Zealand: Every search returned American advice about IEPs we don’t have here, accommodations that assume different school systems, resources that simply don’t apply to how our education and health systems work.
Advice that assumed unlimited resources: “Hire a specialist.” “Try this therapy.” “Get a full neuropsychological evaluation.” All potentially good advice. All expensive. We eventually spent more money then we really had. What if you can’t afford that? What if you can but it means sacrificing everything else?
Strategies without context: “Use a visual schedule!” But which kind? For which specific challenges? What do you do when it stops working after a week? The advice assumed knowledge and capacity I didn’t have.
Communities that felt overwhelming: Parent Facebook groups with thousands of members where your desperate question gets buried under hundreds of others. Forums full of conflicting advice. Places where admitting you’re barely holding it together felt like admitting failure.
What Untangle Is (And Isn’t)
Untangle is my attempt to create what I desperately needed but couldn’t find when I was sitting in that car not knowing how to help my child.
What it is right now:
A place to find New Zealand-specific information about navigating our support systems—ORS, RTLB, DHB pathways, the Ministry of Education processes that nobody explains clearly.
Strategies based on actual research about executive function, emotional regulation, and sensory processing, but explained for parents who are reading this at 2am after a terrible day.
A small community where you can ask questions without judgment, where “I don’t know what to do” is an acceptable thing to say.
Resources that acknowledge the real limitations of time, money, energy, and systems that don’t always help even when you do everything right.
My commitment to creating content that actually helps, based on my psychology background, my Master’s in information management, and years of navigating this with my own son.
What it’s not:
A replacement for professional assessment, therapy, or medical care. (Though I can help you figure out how to access those things in New Zealand.)
Medical or legal advice. (I’ll always tell you when something needs a professional.)
A comprehensive solution to everything. (I’m still figuring things out too.)
Perfect or complete. (This is just the beginning.)
What I want it to become:
Right now, Untangle is mostly me—sharing what I’ve learned, what actually worked, what was a waste of time and money.
But I want it to grow into something bigger. A place where parents share what’s working for their families. Where professionals who care contribute knowledge without the $200/hour barrier. Where strategies get tested by real families and refined based on what actually happens.
A place where “I tried that and it didn’t work for us” is valuable information, not failure.
A place where you don’t have to pretend you have it together, because none of us actually do.
Why It’s Called Untangle
Parenting a neurodivergent child feels like trying to untangle a massive, complicated knot.
You pull on one thread—getting school accommodations—and the knot gets tighter somewhere else—sibling resentment building.
You try to address executive function challenges and discover sensory processing issues underneath everything.
You navigate the education system and hit the health system and realize they don’t talk to each other and you’re expected to coordinate everything yourself.
It’s not one problem to solve. It’s interconnected challenges that need patient, persistent untangling. One thread at a time. Sometimes pulling gently. Sometimes needing to leave a knot alone and work on a different part.
You can’t do it alone. You need other people working on their own knots, sharing what they’re learning, helping you see patterns you couldn’t see when you’re too close to your own tangle.
That’s what I want this to be. A place where we untangle things together.
What You’ll Find Here
As Untangle grows, you’ll find:
Practical strategies: Morning routines that account for executive function challenges. Ways to handle meltdowns that actually work in real life. Accommodation requests schools can realistically implement.
System navigation: How to actually access support in New Zealand. What ORS really is and whether it’s worth applying. When private assessment makes sense versus waiting for public services. How to communicate with schools effectively.
Real talk: The things no one mentions in parenting books. Sibling resentment. Relationship strain. The guilt. The grief. The days you don’t particularly like your child and feel terrible about it.
Evidence-based approaches: Research about what actually helps, translated into language you can understand and use when you’re exhausted and desperate.
Community: Other parents who get it. Who won’t judge when you admit you’re struggling. Who’ve tried things and can tell you honestly what worked and what was a waste of time and money.
Right now, there are several comprehensive guides and resources. Next month, there will be more. Next year, hopefully there will be contributions from other parents and professionals who want to help build this.
It’s growing. You’re here at the beginning of something.
You’re Not Alone (And You’re Not Supposed to Know This)
Here’s what I want you to know:
You’re not supposed to automatically know how to parent a neurodivergent child. There’s no manual for this. The strategies that work beautifully for other children often don’t work for yours. The systems are genuinely confusing—it’s not just you.
Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing. Googling desperately at 2am doesn’t mean you’re not enough. Admitting you don’t know what to do next is honesty, not weakness.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
That’s what I’m building here—a place where you don’t have to pretend, where you can ask for help, where someone else might have tried something that works for your specific situation.
My son is a teenager now. He’s doing well at school. He has close friends. We learned these skills together—and he’s thriving. Not because we fixed him, but because we stopped trying to. I’m still learning, still adjusting, still sometimes getting it wrong. But I can share what I’ve learned so far.
And as more parents join, we can share what we’re all learning together.
You’re not alone. There are 280,000 New Zealand families with neurodivergent children, navigating exactly what you’re navigating.
Let’s do it together.
Welcome
Welcome to Untangle.
Whether you’re just starting to realize your child might need extra support, whether you’re years into this journey and still looking for help, whether you’re exhausted or hopeful or both—you’re in the right place.
Look around. Read what’s here. Join the community if it feels right. Share what you’re learning when you’re ready.
This is just the beginning. And I’m really glad you’re here.
— Meghan
Meghan is the founder of Untangle. She has a degree in Psychology (Honours) and a Master’s in Applied Information Management. But her real credentials are: she’s a parent who’s been exactly where you are, who’s made the mistakes and learned from them, and who believes no family should have to navigate this alone.
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